Staying Silent
At the recommendation of my bookworm friends (and basically everyone on the internet), I chose The Hate U Give as my pick for book club this month. It is as wonderful and real and eye-opening and challenging and well-written as everyone says it is. It allowed me to look inside a culture that I don’t really know anything about. And I loved it. And I want more.
I certainly didn’t plan this, but I finished it in the early hours of this morning - the day set aside to celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. With eyes more open than ever before, I Googled the full transcript of his ‘I Have a Dream’ speech. And then I cried. And then I looked up some more of Dr. King’s most encouraging, inspiring, and empowering words; and I came across this quote: “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
I know Dr. King was emphasizing the importance of speaking up for people. But I believe he was also emphasizing the importance of speaking up to people. Looking into the eyes of someone who looks, speaks, lives, thinks, and feels completely different from ourselves and saying “hi, hello, how are you, what’s life like for you?”
I could never fully understand what it’s like to be black. Or a refugee, or Muslim, or any other race or religion or gender or status that I’m not. But I can do my best to understand someone who does fully understand.
I’m realizing more and more that understanding is everything. It’s the key that unlocks all the doors: to trust, to friendship, to love-over-hate, to unity, to diversity, to beauty.
I don’t want to be silent in the big moments, but I don’t want to be silent in the small spaces either. Smiling at the woman in the hijab at the grocery store and asking about her kiddos in the cart. Striking up a conversation with the refugee family in line for coffee at church. Asking the tattooed, dreadlocked guy next to me at the DMV how his day is going. These small spaces are sacred and hold so much potential for connection and respect and love.
I don’t want to be a silent friend. I want to be a friend who asks questions. And then I want to be silent… so I can lean in, listen, and learn.