One little "s"
“For you, O LORD, are my hope; my confidence from my youth.” // Psalm 71:5
It’s no secret that I love words. I’m really thankful for our ancient ancestors and the work they did to give us written language. It’s not always easy to master, and there are definitely a lot of quirks; but goodness, letters and words are cool.
I’ve been thinking a lot about these two words lately: expectation and expectations.
At first glance, those words look super similar, and it can be easy to assume their meanings are too. But that one little “s” makes a big difference.
Expectation is a really beautiful word. Many times throughout the Bible, it’s used interchangeably with the word “hope” - and we all know my feelings on that one (spoiler alert: it’s my favorite). To wait with expectation is to hope, to wait with joy. It’s to believe that your deepest longings will be fulfilled.
Expectations are more specific. It’s not a bad thing to have expectations, but they can be very sneaky. It’s easy for high expectations that motivate and encourage to turn into unrealistic and unattainable finish lines that can never be crossed.
Recognizing the difference that one little “s” makes is the key to gratitude and joy in every area of life.
This is a silly example, but I’ll start here because that one little “s” impacts even the smallest things: Jake and I met in college and spent lots of time at Gator football games. I recently posted a throwback pic of us to celebrate the start of college football season. A week later, we went up for a game, and I really wanted to recreate that 10-year-old picture. My expectations were that I would look great (really humble, right?) - with every hair perfectly in place, just like when I was 19. I wanted to be in the same place, with the same pose, same lighting, same everything. What I didn’t want was for it to pour on us halfway through the tailgate, which led to sweaty, wet hair-in-a-ponytail and makeup melting off. We took the updated picture, but it wasn’t quite the same. Expectations clouded my mind and kept me from feeling the full gratitude and joy of the situation. Where expectations said, this picture doesn’t mean a thing unless you get it just right; expectation would have said, what a cool opportunity to document a special day and reflect on our love story.
It’s like that with everything.
In relationships, expectations say: unless this person meets all of my needs exactly how I want them to, I’m not going to be happy. Expectation says: this is an incredible opportunity to love and be loved; and while I know we won’t always get it right, I’m hopeful that we can come together in a way that fills us both.
At home, expectations say: I have to have an open floor plan, hardwood floors, the perfect white paint, and a fiddle leaf fig in order for me to really love it here. Expectation says: I want a place where my family can learn and laugh and love, a place where I can welcome guests with warmth.
Looking at our bodies, expectations say: I have to weigh this much or be this size to be happy. Expectation says: I hope to be the healthiest version of myself.
There are an infinite number of examples, because there are an infinite number of things we hope for and desire as humans. We want great relationships and comfortable homes and healthy bodies, and yes, even awesome pictures. We also want thriving marriages and sweet children and fulfilling careers. The list goes on and on, and it’s not a bad thing to expectantly ask for and work toward those things.
But here’s the biggest difference that one little “s” makes…
Expectations promise happiness as the end result - but only conditionally. Expectation begins with joy.
Expectation says: WOW. I’m so excited about this dream, idea, situation, place, or person; and I’m going to do my darndest to make the very best of it all. Expectation is about gratitude - being grateful for where you are, what you have, and what you’ve been given. Expectation takes the pressure-to-make-all-things-perfect off of us and puts it on the only perfect One - the God who created us and loves us more than anything. His best for us often looks different than our expectations. But if we wait with expectation, we can be absolutely sure that our lives will be rich with love, joy, and gratitude.
Let’s do our best to look at our lives and find where we have moved from expectation to expectations and then make a plan to remove that one little “s.”