Desires and Plans
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." // Psalm 37:4
The opening line of a blog is always the hardest part for me. My news background tells me it has to be something zingy and interesting to catch your attention. My insecurity tells me it has to be cool and deep and cryptic. My obsession with perfection tells me it has to be the most eloquent summation of what's to come if you keep reading.
My heart tells me it has to be honest. Heart wins.
Hearts are great, right? Our literal hearts keep us alive, and our metaphorical hearts, well, keep us alive in a different way.
The "heart" mentioned in Psalm 37:4 is the word "leb" in Hebrew. It means "inner man, mind, will, heart." And while we need to give a big shout out to our physical hearts for keeping us going, it's our "lebs" that keep us dreaming and doing.
I talked a lot about listening to your heart and thinking about what makes you come alive in my last post. It's something I think is so important: finding the desires of your heart. And Psalm 37:4 gives us a clear road map to exactly how you find them: delight yourself in the LORD. Walk with Him; talk with Him; sit quietly in His presence; enjoy spending time with Him.
And what a beautiful promise - He will give us the desires of our hearts.
Seems like a pretty big promise though, right? And for those of us who can look back on times in our lives when we feel like we didn't get what we wanted, it can kind of seem like a lie. I mean, let's just get real here - I can think of many times I've wanted something so badly, and it just didn't work out the way I thought it should. (I can imagine if we were in a group text right now, you'd all be sending me the girl with her hand in the air.)
So does that mean God is a liar? His Word can't be trusted?
Absolutely not. God was, is, and forever will be love, grace, and truth.
I think what it means is that so often, we mistake the plans in our minds for the desires of our hearts.
We make up these "perfect" scenarios in our pretty little heads and say, "Ok, God, this is what I want, and this is the best way to do it. Thanks!" And then when He looks at us, smiles, and does something totally different, we laugh and say, "Well, there's no use in making a plan because it's never going to work out; God's just going to do the exact opposite!"
I am so guilty of that. I know those words have come out of my mouth so many times - and while I intend for it to be a joke, it's actually just me being really rude and hurtful to the One who gave me life. It's me saying that God doesn't care about what I want, that He's just up there doing whatever He wants with no regard for my heart or my feelings.
And if you hear one thing today, let it be this: nothing could be farther from the Truth.
He cares so deeply about each and every one of us. He knows us all by name. He knows every hair on our heads. We live on a planet full of people - not one of us the same. If God didn't care about us and our hearts and desires, He would have made us all little clones. But He didn't. He chose to form us all so specifically and uniquely, all wired differently, all with hearts that beat for different things.
He desires to give us our desires. But we must delight in Him to get to the desire. Forming a plan is our way of scratching the surface. We spend just enough time with Him to get a tiny little glimpse of the desire, but then we shut the door and run off to make an exact road map that we want Him to follow step-by-step. I am the worst offender.
As God's been working on my heart about this idea of desires versus plans, I've been thinking about what this looks like in my own life.
My plan was to have a baby by now - but what's the real desire? I desire to help mold little minds and hearts, to tell children how much they are loved by their Creator and to encourage them to love Him back with their whole hearts.
My plan is to have twins or triplets (I know I can't really plan this) - but what's the real desire? I desire to have a big family with lots of kids who love each other so much and become one another's best friends.
My plan is to live in the perfect city by a specific date in a certain neighborhood with my parents and in-laws just a few minutes away - but what's the real desire? I desire to have my children grow up with both sets of grandparents close by so they can learn from their wisdom and form strong bonds with the wonderful people who raised their momma and daddy.
Getting down to the real desires of our hearts isn't easy. It takes time and thought and quiet and reflection. But when we spend time with the One who created us with these desires in our hearts, they are revealed to us in His light. And in that same light, we can have peace that He will give us our desires. We may not know when or how, but we can know that He will.
That fills my heart with so much freedom! Freedom to close my planner and open my eyes, heart, and mind to the ways God may be giving me what I desire right now. I want kids? What about the hundreds of little hearts in childcare at church? I want to be close to family? How about I start thanking God that I'm no longer several states away, just several hours?
Now before we go any further, let's get one thing straight - I'm not saying that plans are evil. No, I'm a planner, and I love to plan things. Lunch dates, date nights, vacations, workouts, etc. And goals are obviously great. What I am saying is that we can't plan our entire lives.
We can't call our plans "desires" and then read Psalm 37:4 and blame God when we don't get our way.
Let's make plans to delight ourselves in the One who delights in us, the One who desires to give us our desires - the very same desires He placed in our hearts.
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Just for fun, I have to share one of my most favorite stories about God giving me a desire of my heart!
I love Beth Moore, like, for real, LOVE her so much and pray that we will be real-life friends one day. I love how she points me to Jesus. I love that she speaks with such boldness and conviction. I love that her confidence comes from knowing God so intimately and being so sure of what He has told her to speak and write. I love that she loves to look good. I love that she is so real and so funny. Basically, I love Beth Moore.
She calls Houston home, as do many of my family members on my dad's side. My parents and I took a trip to Houston for my cousin's baby shower in July of 2013. Since we were there over a weekend, my mom and I decided to attend Beth's church, where her son-in-law is the pastor. Oh, how I wanted so badly to meet her. My heart desired so much to just hug her and say thank you.
We had to go to the early service to be back in time for the baby shower, and when we walked in, there was no sign of her. We went to service, and wow - what a gift it was. God spoke to our hearts so powerfully through the worship and the message, and my mom and I both found so much peace in the midst of a trying time in our family's life. I often go back to the notes I took that day. We left feeling refreshed, and while I hadn't seen Mrs. Moore, I knew there was a purpose in us going to that service.
As we were leaving the building, my mom and I were chatting with one of the sweet greeters. She asked us where we were from and how we heard about the church. We admitted that we came for the chance to worship with and meet Beth, and thankfully, she didn't turn her nose up or look at us like we were crazy. As we were saying our goodbyes, she looked over my shoulder, and said, "Well, what do you know? Here she comes right now."
WHAT?!
My heart about leaped out of my chest, and as I turned around in what felt like slow motion, I see this beautiful, tiny little woman in a pretty white dress walking up the sidewalk toward me. I introduced myself, gave her a hug, asked her for a picture, and spouted off what I think was a thank you. She was so gracious and patient and kind, and I left that parking lot practically floating.
Now, I know this may seem silly, but I truly believe that our encounter was a gift from God - a sweet little nugget from the God who is love and joy.
The number of details God worked out just to see me smile - ah! It's amazing! She could have been traveling that weekend or sick or sleeping in, or she could have been rocking babies in the church nursery or planning to go to a later service. But God literally placed her directly in my path.
Such a sweet, sweet God who always delivers on our desires when we delight in Him. And yes, even the silly ones that may seem small and insignificant but actually take up a lot of room in our hearts. How wonderful that He knows so much better than we - and even more wonderful that He wants to let us in on what He knows.
