Be where you are.

"Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its welfare, you will have welfare." // Jeremiah 29:7

The first time I saw the phrase "be where you are" was on a Sojourn Church t-shirt. Sojourn was my home church for the summer I lived and worked in Louisville, Kentucky as a part of Love Thy Neighborhood. That summer, that internship, and that t-shirt radically rocked my world.

Be where you are.

Kind of seems silly at first, right? "Well, obviously I am going to be where I am; I'm here." But add a little emphasis, and you've really got something.

BE where you are. Wherever you are - physically, mentally, spiritually - truly be there. Be present. Embrace it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Be there, and squeeze every ounce of life and lessons and love out of where you are.

You might be in a season of life where that little nugget is an easy one to live by. Or maybe the thought of being where you are makes you more uncomfortable than a wool turtleneck on an August day in Florida.

I can relate to the latter.

Where we are right now (and where we have been for the last 29 months) isn't the most comfortable place. Even as I sit here and type these words, I feel that awkward, uncomfortable, I-don't-want-to-be-writing-this kind of tension. This blog post has been saved in the "drafts" folder for nine months, if that gives you any indication.

For the past 29 months, Jake and I have desperately been praying and hoping for a baby. 

29 months of negative pregnancy tests, countless friends getting pregnant (many of them, not once, but twice), baby showers, first birthday parties, and family members asking when we are going to have a baby of our own. We are surrounded by swollen bellies and little ones.

[Please hear this before I go any further... we are overjoyed each and every time we get to celebrate new life with our precious friends and their sweet babes. We are so thankful for the way God has protected our hearts from jealousy or bitterness or resentment. And that is ALL Him! As one friend who is going through a similar situation once said to me: "It's not a, 'why them?' It's a, 'why not me too?'"]

I'm from a town where getting pregnant seems to be as easy as drinking water. Both mine and Jake's families are numerous and seem to have no problem growing. Fertility issues were never even on our radar. We thought we'd be holding a baby in our arms nine months after we decided it was time to have one... And then one month turned into two, which turned into six, which turned into twelve, which turned into 29.

There have been more tears, laughs, hugs, prayers, screams, and lessons learned than I could ever count. But one of the sweetest and most transformative truths has its root in Jeremiah 29.

Verse 11 of that chapter is one many of us know well: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD. 'plans for your welfare and not for calamity, plans to give you a future and a hope.'" It's a beautiful promise and one I turned to out of complete desperation and exhaustion one day. My heart needed hope, and I wanted to keep reading to drown out the frustration and sadness and anger swirling around in my head. I flipped back to the beginning of chapter 29, and found this:

"Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, 'Build houses, and live in them; and plant gardens, and eat their produce. Take wives, and become the fathers of sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters. Multiply there, and do not decrease. Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf; for in its welfare, you will have welfare.'" {vs. 4-7}

Bloom where you're planted. Be where you are.

These people are in exile - they've been removed from their country and stripped of their belongings and their identities - and yet God tells them to lean into it. He tells them to put down roots in their exile. To have children and grandchildren, to build houses, to get jobs, to not only live but to thrive in the midst of exile.

The idea of living in exile hit my heart like a ton of bricks. It put words to feelings I hadn't been able to explain.

I felt like Jake and I were exiled from the lives we were meant to be living. We were supposed to be parents. We were supposed to have a baby. We were supposed to have something to contribute to the constant conversations about diapers and pediatricians and first words and favorite foods. But instead, we were exiles. We were over here, while everyone else was over there.

Having words to define my feelings was so comforting. Finally! I'm not alone! But it went even deeper than that as I let God's words (literally words from His mouth!) wash over my heart and mind.

"To all the exiles whom I have sent into exile..." First of all, they were sent into exile. The place of pain and waiting and longing was not a mistake or a coincidence. It was a divine part of their story. And this exile we are in is a divine part of ours too. God told them and tells us, exile can have incredible and eternal impact, if we lean in and let it.

"Build houses... plant gardens... get married... have children... see your children get married... have grandchildren... multiply there..." These things God is instructing His people who are in exile to do are all great things. They're things that bring joy and fullness to life. They imply this idea of settling in, and quite possibly staying for a while.

"Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf; for in its welfare, you will have welfare..." God is telling His people to lean in and embrace this place where they have been sent by their all-knowing, infinitely-loving Creator. He is saying, 'trust me. I have only the best in store for you. And yes, exile is part of that best offer.'

Growing up, I often heard your 20's are the most unsettled years, and I completely get it now. We have experienced moves, job changes, infertility and have walked through those things as well as singleness, divorce, miscarriage, death, and disease with countless other friends.

It seems so many of us are waiting on something, sitting in the midst of a season of exile, feeling like we are being left out of our own lives. Well, friends, I'm here to tell you there is so much good to be found if you will simply be where you are.

Reading God's words completely changed my perspective. Yes, we may be exiled from the place in life we thought we'd be. But it's ok. It's better than ok. It's part of God's story for our lives. And He promises HOPE and complete restoration to those who lean in and live in their exile.

Embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly (and trust me, there's been a whole lot of ugly) has been painful and wonderful and refining and frustrating and infuriating and downright exhausting. We've experienced hopelessness and shame and anger and disappointment and doubt and healing so intense, I can only describe it as feeling like my skin was being peeled off my body.

I am so happy to say that while nothing has changed physically for Jake and me (we don't have a baby, and I'm not pregnant), everything has changed spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. We are not the same people we were 29 months ago. Our marriage is not the same. Our friendships are not the same. Our families are not the same. I can say with my whole heart that we have experienced the welfare God speaks of in Jeremiah 29:7. His promises never fail.

I have no idea how much longer we'll be in this "exile." To be honest, I know part of me was saving this blog and hoping to post it as a pregnancy announcement - kind of a "we were in exile, but now we're not!" sort of thing. But that's not God's best for us. I know someday His best for us will look like us bringing a child into the world, but right now, this is the best.

My prayer is that, if you feel like you're in exile, you'll settle in and see what God has for you there. But know that while He has goodness and joy and life for you to experience in the midst of it, He does not plan to leave you there forever.

I am so thankful for that truth and the truth that God is able to handle any doubt or frustration or cuss-word-filled rant we throw at Him. He hears us and sees us always and simply asks for us to turn to Him and trust Him.

//

I think it's important to note that sometimes you're in an exile that is not meant for you. Yes, God uses tough situations to grow our faith and to strengthen and refine us, but, if you're doing something to physically harm yourself or others, or if you're in an abusive situation, I encourage you to seek help and either stop what you're doing or get out.