In the Middle and the Mess
Typically, when I sit down to write about our journey to our children, I wish I was writing the “after” post. You know… the celebratory, it-happened, God-is-so-good, I’m-in-a-new-season kind of post. But not today.
Today, I am writing from the middle. And I’m really grateful to be here. (“Here” being 67 months of hoping, praying, and trying for a baby; with no end in sight. From our perspective, at least. Who knows what God has up ahead?!) Because God is good right here.
Photo from our magical adventure through Ireland. Heart bowed low and hands held high right here in the middle.
He is good. In the middle and the mess. And I want to make sure I don’t just say it after. I want to say it right now because it’s true right now. He is good whether we get the “you’ve been matched” phone call or see two pink lines this month, and He is good if we die childless. His goodness isn’t just in the “after” - yes, it is there, but it isn’t only there.
And I know this isn’t something you can believe simply by being told. Trust me, it took 67 months of wrestling before every part of my heart truly believed it. I’m not telling you this to try and dismiss whatever your middle is. I’m telling you this to give you hope, to encourage you to keep fighting for faith in the middle and the mess. There is nothing like seeking God in the middle and seeing His goodness there. It’s where He overwhelms you with His sweet and tender love. And I couldn’t agree more with my girl Beth: I can trust in the sovereignty of God because I am so utterly convinced of the sweetness of God.
The God who made us and loves us made us for middles and messes. Our time on earth is the “middle” to the “after” that is eternity. There is a goodness here that you can’t get anywhere else.
I know that afters hold their own kind of goodness, and tears fill my eyes as I think about whispering, “God is good” while rocking our precious babe; but I know that being able to proclaim, “God is good” in my empty-armed middle is a miracle all its own.